Make the day count
by Just Being Who I Am
Summary: Clexa one-shot. 1st-just a fluffy and slightly angsty story. Or a story where Clarke is sad and waiting for her love to return. But what came surprised her. Second 1S- Preview: "I will do it" "Get out of here, General!" "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" "I apologize, Commander. If you have any punishment for me, just say it and it should be done."
1. Make the day count

**A/N: Hey guys, I wrote this short one-shot because... well, because I just needed to write something short and easy. I didn't think too much when writing this, it makes me happy. I know you guys don't care but my life is a mess right now, and writing, singing and listening to songs are the only thing that makes me feel like myself. So I hope you guys like this story, it's more of a song and story thing.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except for the words, and no profit is earned.**

 **Make the day count**

 _An empty street, an empty house, a hole inside my heart. I'm all alone, the rooms are getting smaller._

People always tell me that I should not be counting the days but instead let the days count.

 _I try to read, I go to work, I'm laughing with my friends._

Does that make my day count at all? I don't know.

I save so many lives on a day to day basis, it should be an accomplishment. I feel happy and I should be proud of myself. But there is always this gap in my heart.

On my days off, I read books on beautiful romances with a happy ending, wishing that it would happen to me too. Other days, I read books on angst and tragic romance stories, feeling my heart throb in ache and this itch in my heart that I just couldn't scratch away. Maybe these are trainings to strengthen myself and my heart for the inevitable heartache I might feel one day.

Some days, I just couldn't hole myself up in the house, just reading those books. I would go out with my friends, we would have brunch, coffee, parties and even late nights at the club. I would always feel endless happiness when I am with the people who care about me. But in the end of the night, I sleep alone on this huge bed, loneliness would slip in and my overactive mind would show me all the images of what might happen…all of the what ifs'.

 _But I just can't keep myself from thinking. Oh no…_

And I dream at night.

 _So I say a little prayer, hoping my dreams will take me there.  
Where the skies are blue to see you once again, my love.  
Over seas from coast to coast, to find the place I love the most,  
Where the fields are green to see you once again, my love._

Days passed into weeks and then months, I could hardly ever remember anything that happened during those times. I guess I am not making my days count. If I did, I believe that I should have been able to remember what I did a week ago that was considered fun. But no, cause nothing at all makes my days count. They just pass by and I count the days til I will see you again.

 _And all my love, I'm holding on forever. Reaching for the love that seems so far._

I realized that I have been trying to stay home, more and more. Or even when I spend time with my friends, my phone is always just an inch from my hands. When I read books at home, I would sit in the longue, with the fireplace close to me, even though it's not winter yet. I would light a fire, even though it is a warm night, because my insides are cold, I needed that warmth.

When I am hungry, I eat take outs. Sometimes I cook, but I don't eat them til they are cold. Don't ask me why, I guess maybe I just want to receive a sudden news that I could eat with someone.

I am waiting for that phone call. For someone to tell me… please, where you are right now. Because I cannot stand the cold in the house, I cannot stand the huge bed which doesn't provide warmth.

 _All by myself. Don't wanna be, all by myself…anymore._

I need you back here, with me, in our home. Give me the warmth that I need to survive, because I cannot live without you, I just go through the motions. When you are here, you would hold me in my sleep, you would give life back to our house, you would read me poems by the fireplace, you make me laugh and you make sure I eat warm meals with you every day.

 _So I say a little prayer and hope my dreams will take me there._

I do what I am best at, saving people in the hospital. You do what you are best at, saving our people in wars. But sometimes, I just wish that you could stay home and not leave me for months on end. I am proud of you, I always have been. I wouldn't ask you not to do what you have to do, but it doesn't mean that I don't wish for you to not go. So all I can do is sit here at home, and pray for your safety, come back home to me.

I know you are busy, I know that even making a phone call home is hard when you're in a war zone. It is not my fault, that I want to hear your voice, just so I know you're still alive. That's why I keep the phone close to me, because I am always waiting for you to call me. Or…in worst case scenario, for someone to call me that tell me that you have passed on to the next life, having saved our people and that you would always be honored.

We moved into our home six years ago, after you came back from your first deployment. The look on your face changed when you came back, you looked sad and I knew that you had taken your first lives on the war field. How I wanted to shield you from all that and zoom you into lala land with me. You told me that you knew you might die any day, life was unexpected, and that's why you wanted to spend all the time you still have with me, if I would accept. You also wanted me to have a place to stay where when you came home, I would be there. I was still a medical student then, you wanted for me to have a place to call home in case one day you never came back, at least you would die knowing that I would have a roof above my head. And how could I say no to you? You knew that I already fell in love with you since we first met. We got our first house together.

As the more you were gone, the more your lingering scent would fade with time. I loved the house to bits and we decorated everywhere, our house screamed home sweet home but now, it is a constant reminder of you and how you are not with me now. Come back home to me.

Another day, I eat alone – milk and cereal. I had hardly taken a few bites when I hear knocking at the door. I take my time, slowly and dragging my feet to the door. Looking through the peephole, I see my friends.

I open the door to greet them and they tell me that I looked like a ghost and how this lovely house looked to be haunted because of me. They force me to dress pretty and go out with them. It was too beautiful a day for me to be haunting the house, they told me.

I laughed, even though it wasn't whole heartedly and agreed to go out with them because I know that I need a moment to not think about the dangers you could be in, while I am safe at home.

They take me to the park and there is an ice cream cart to the far left. They left me to go get some ice cream for us.

Then I see him, Bellamy with Echo at his side, he is strumming his guitar and Echo singing beside him. Bellamy had his guitar case open in front of him, as if he was street performing for money. But he has a proper job, and so did Echo, I couldn't understand why they were here doing this.

I walk towards them when I feel a hand gripping my shoulder. I turn around to come face to face with her. I can't help the smile appearing on my face, she reminds me so much of you, "Hello Anya."

She nods her head in greeting before she takes my hand and pulls me towards Bellamy and Echo but stopped short just a few feet in front of them. She lets go of my hand without a word and from out of nowhere, she hands me a rose.

It was weird, more than weird, but I took a whiff of the rose before I thanked her, but she was already gone. I feel someone else tapping my shoulder with their finger so I turn around.

They smile at me, Octavia and Raven, but there wasn't any ice cream with them. I ask them about it, they shrug their shoulders and then hand me more roses. I give them a weird look, their smile widen with bright glints in their eyes before they run away.

I was going to chase after them when I hear Bellamy call my name. I turn to him to hear him singing, he is smiling at me.

 _Clarke, it's a beautiful day, we're looking for something dumb to do._

He then turns to Echo,

 _Hey baby, I think we wanna give her a rose._

Echo walks towards me and hands me some more roses with a wide grin on her face. She walks back and continues Bellamy's song.

 _Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice? Who cares baby, turn away from us._

I am starting to get a feeling of what this whole thing is, but not yet… not until I see you. This is not possible, is it? But I turn away from them as instructed in the song to see Wick and Lincoln standing a few feet in front. Once they see that I have noticed them, they walk towards me and hand me two more roses.

 _Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go oh oh oh,  
No one will know oh oh oh,  
Oh come on, girl,  
Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash, we can blow oh oh oh,  
Shots of patron,  
And it's on, girl._

One by one, more people I know from colleagues at work to my family and your family, come and give me more roses as I stand where Anya had led me. Indra, Jasper, Monty, Maya, Gustus, Ryder, Harper, Monroe, Miller, Murphy, Charlotte, Costia and so many more.

 _Don't say no, no, no, no-no,  
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah,  
And we'll go, go, go, go-go,  
If you're ready like I'm ready._

In my hands now, probably held more than a hundred roses when finally my mom walks towards me, she has tears in her eyes, which is quickly followed by my own tears flooding my eyes.

 _Cause it's a beautiful day,  
We're looking for something dumb to do.  
Hey baby,  
I think I wanna marry you. _

She holds two roses out to me, "Your father would have been so proud of you, he would also give you this rose. Clarke, we would always love you, you are our baby girl no matter how much you've grown. Always know that."

 _Is it the look in your eyes,  
Or is it this dancing juice?  
Who cares baby,  
I think I wanna marry you. _

I give her a kiss on her cheeks and say thanks to her before I take the roses.

 _I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,  
So what you wanna do?  
Let's just run, girl_

After my mom retreats back, I see behind her, all the people who have given me roses standing in a line, as if creating a wall. Except for Bellamy and Echo who are still on the side, singing.

 _If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool,  
No, I won't blame you,  
It was fun, girl._

Then your mother and father walks towards, handing me another two roses.

"Clarke, we are so proud that our child found you. The way you look at each other reminds us of the way we always look at each other. We are so happy to have you in our family, you are like the daughter we never have and we love you as our own."

 _Don't say no, no, no, no-no,  
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah,  
And we'll go, go, go, go-go,  
If you're ready, like I'm ready._

"Thank you," The first drop of tear finally falls from my eyes. And I know, at this moment, that this is happening… WE are happening.

 _Cause it's a beautiful day,  
We're looking for something dumb to do,  
Hey baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

When your parents part – your mom to the right, your dad to the left, you stand right behind them in your uniform. You walk towards me and give me a bunch of roses. I take them as more tears fall freely from my eyes. Your hands hold my cheek and I lean into your touch, you wipe my tears with your thumbs and tell me, "I'm home."

 _Is it the look in your eyes,  
Or is it this dancing juice?  
Who cares baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

I want to throw all the roses away and just kiss you, but I know you have more to say so I waited, "In your hands hold 108 roses. I love you, Clarke, I have since the day I looked into your soulful eyes. You are always on mind, in your arms I feel safe, in your eyes I see love, and in your heart is where I belong, home is where you are. There has never been a doubt in my mind that I would marry you one day, because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it is hard that you have to worry whether I would come back to you every single day when I am away. So now I am telling you, I have been discharged from the military and I have already got a new job as a patissier at the bakery close to our house." You smile at the last sentence of your confession, which inevitably draws a tearful smile from my face. I couldn't believe what I am hearing, my love, my Lexa… a patissier, I know it had always been your dream.

During your confession, the song was sung softly in the background with all our friends and family at the back whispering the lyrics.

 _Jusy say I doooooo-ooo uhu,  
Tell me right now baby,  
Tell me right now baby, baby._

 _Oh, it's a beautiful night,  
We're looking for something dumb to do.  
Hey baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

 _Is it the look in your eyes,  
Or is it this dancing juice?  
Who cares baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

You kneel on one leg and from your pants pocket, you take out a box. You open it to show a beautiful gold ring with a blue diamond, "108 roses, Clarke, it means, 'Will you marry me, Clarke?'"

After your million dollar question, everyone started to sing the last chorus loudly.

 _Jusy say I doooooo-ooo uhu,  
Tell me right now baby,  
Tell me right now baby, baby._

"Yes, yes, I do, Lexa. I love you, I love you, I love so much!" I scream out my answer because I just could not contain myself anymore. You stand up and I quickly wrap my arms around your neck.

 _Oh, it's a beautiful night,  
We're looking for something dumb to do.  
Hey baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

Claps could be heard everywhere, but it was lost to me. As I finally feel your lips against mine, it was the taste of sweetness, home, completion and love. I knew then, we would be forever, when you slip the ring onto my ring finger as our kiss stays innocent but deep, it conveys all our love and longing.

When we finally parted, you say to me, " _I hod yu in,_ I love you and never again will I ever leave you."

 _Is it the look in your eyes,  
Or is it this dancing juice?  
Who cares baby,  
I think I wanna marry you._

 **A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone. In case anyone wants to knows, the songs in this story are: My love by Westlife, All by Myself by Celine Dion and Marry Me by Bruno Mars.**


	2. Alive Again

**A/N: Hey guys, I am sorry that I haven't updated 'I can read you like a book' this week. I have just been... nah, forget it. It doesn't even matter because I never mattered. Anyways:**

 **Disclaimer** **: Nothing belongs to me**

 **Warning: Only one curse word is here, I believe. So I will leave it at K+**

 **Alive again**

"I will do it," I marched into the meeting room. All pairs on eyes turned on me, many of them disapproving, a few surprised and one angered.

"Get out of here, General!" said the only angered voice.

My stance turned even more rigid, "I apologize for coming in here unannounced and I also apologize for having heard the argument on my way passing by. But I heard it and I volunteer to do this."

"GENERAL, OUT! NOW!" She shouted at me, with one arm pointing to the exit and her other arm gripping the table so hard that her knuckles turned white. All of her muscles were strained, everyone could see how agitated she was.

"…Yes Commander," I turned to leave but then stopped and addressed everyone at the meeting, "Just remember that if our nation is really going with this plan and you need soldiers to sacrifice themselves and you can find no others, I have gladly volunteered myself."

Then I marched back out, hearing a loud slam on the table behind me.

Later that night, I was in my quarters getting ready to retire for the night. I was happy in my self-contained room, I have worked so hard for my nation and now I have a room just to myself. Although I expected no return but I have done a lot for our people.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed when my door was abruptly slammed open. Even before the door was able to close itself, a shadow was upon me. I quickly tried to stand up in attention but she grabbed onto my collar and pulled me up.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" She shouted in my face.

"Commander," I said sternly, acknowledging her.

"I asked, what the fuck were you thinking, just marching into a confidential meeting like that?" She asked menacingly.

"I apologize, Commander. If you have any punishment for me, just say it and it should be done. Although I can remind you again, if we are doing as the plan stated, I would die either way without being able to tell anyone," I answered without any emotions showing on my face. Her hold on my collar became even more constricting.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you always do this?" She got right into my face and snarled.

I looked into her eyes, her beautiful green eyes and I could see all the emotions swirling inside. We always respected each other. She had always been my superior and as time went by, our mutual respect turned into something else. I knew that she cared for me more than she should. I wanted to make myself feel towards her too, and I do, believe me. I just didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to believe that she actually loved me. Because I had given up on love long ago, it wasn't for me, no one could love me. So I denied that she feel towards me, I also denied my own attraction towards her.

I have given up my heart a long time ago, so had my heart given up on me. I was taught that true love existed and fairy tale was real. Someone would come one day to sweep me off my feet, makes me feel loved just like a princess. I have seen many people, liked many people; and there may have been people who liked me. But I just know that they were not the one. So I held back, soon enough, I was tired of waiting for something that might never even be real. No one would love me, for as long as they live, no one would stay, for me, forever…

I no longer wanted to feel, and that was when I enlisted for the army. I thought that since I no longer wanted to feel alive, I might as well survive and do something for my country. I could put my life on the line in the field, and I would never know when I would die next in the war. I lived for that moment.

"Answer me!" She shouted at me after a long moment of silence.

"I don't know what you mean," I answered plainly.

She shoved me hard, I tried to keep my balance and couldn't. I fell on my bed, and within no time at all, I stood back up.

She shoved me again and I fell backwards. I was irritated for a moment but decided to let it go.

I stood back up only to be pushed back down again and again.

In the end, she gave me a half-assed push and I hardly staggered. I could see that she was getting really frustrated and weary.

"Tell me… Clarke, why… why do you always do this? Putting your life on the line, doing all those things on the field, you could get yourself killed easily," She asked resignedly.

"I assure you, Commander. I would never get myself killed intentionally, all I do is save my comrades and my country. I do dangerous things, but I always try to survive through them too," I informed her in my best soldier voice.

She glared dangerously at me, "No, Clarke. You don't die, but with most recent occurrence, you might have well been."

My eyes glazed over as I remembered what I said before 'that' incident.

" _I may have been injured, but as long as I still can walk and do everything as I used to be able to do, then there's nothing that can stop me. Until the day I can no longer do these things or until I die, I shall fight for my country."_

" _Unless you commanded me not to, since you are the one calling the shots, Commander."_

 _She glared at me, trying to intimidate me, but we had gone through these enough times in the past for me not to flinch or draw back._

" _Fine, do as you wish. If you die, it's not my problem. Now, disappear from my sight!" She couldn't stand looking at me anymore and turned away._

"And I have not…" I said softly, uncertain if I was trying to comfort her or just proving my point.

"Clarke, you are the general. WE need you, our country needs your soul to stay where it is," She looked desperately into my eyes, trying to get me to understand.

I scoffed, "Commander, we have many talented and much younger intelligent soldiers who could step up to the job. When I am gone, one of them could step up to be the general, they would do just as well a job as I can… I am replaceable."

I stood still as a statue, still in my 'soldier' mode. Since I have been in the army, gone through the terrible training, I have forgone feelings and always tried not to associate with anyone. I learnt not to feel.

She grabbed onto my collar again and shoved me against the well, "YOU. ARE. NOT. REPLACEABLE. NEVER!" She pronounced each word carefully through gritted teeth.

Her voice softened, "Never… to me, Clarke. You are the most precious."

She crushed her lips into mine. I was shocked, it was my first kiss. But I relaxed into the kiss, I raised my hands to grab onto her. And for the first time in a long time, I felt alive. _She is the one._

 **A/N: Well this is a one-shot, unless others want to know more about this story. I just wrote this because what Clarke felt in this story is what I've been feeling. So I just thought that I would write a story about it. Now, all I wish is that I could also enlist in the army. See you guys in my other stories, I guess. Bye.**


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